


You're Going To Do It And Can't Stop Yourself

by KateC



Series: Captain America's Stars [2]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, Ice Mechanic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-06
Updated: 2016-06-10
Packaged: 2018-06-09 10:31:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,777
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6902281
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KateC/pseuds/KateC
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The one where Raven tries and fails to have a one night stand.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> For Mrs_Bradford , who asked for a sequel. It's not a TRUE sequel, but it's at least in the same universe. :) Canon has gone straight to hell in this one, folks, since the main pairing has never done anything but glance at each other on screen. And obviously Bell and Raven have never slept together in this one. Various other canon divergences(Minty *sob*).  
> I blame HawthorneWhisperer for this, because once she put it in my head, I couldn't get it out. Special thanks to ms_scarlet for beta reading this sucker for me.  
> Playlist: A lot of Bastille (Bad Blood) and of course I blame megmo42's amazing spotify playlist  
> (No proofreader for this, I don't have one. If you WANT to volunteer, leave me a message in the comments!!! I'd be glad to have you!!)

It was all John Murphy's fault. Well, half John Murphy and half the fact that she was drunk off her ass. It was also partially that he was still feeling guilty for the accident, Raven knew that. Murphy never did anything nice for anyone, least of all her. They clashed like oil and water and mixed in with their group of friends just as well.

So it was Murphy and alcohol and guilt that had set her up on the worst blind date of her life and if only she had one of them right now to strangle, she'd feel a lot better. But Raven had sworn to herself that she wasn't going to drink tonight, and Murphy wouldn't come within a thousand miles of this pretentious as fuck restaurant and guilt was as far away as a dream. And oh dear god he was saying something and she was supposed to be paying attention, wasn't she?

“I'm sorry,” Raven said, pasting on a false smile. “My mind must have wandered.”

He looked at her with those hawk eyes, their light blue piercing her right to the core.

“I asked how your food was, since you've barely touched it,” he said, voice rumbling across the table.

Raven wanted to tell him that the food was as pretentious as the restaurant and that it really wasn't her type of thing, but instead she just mumbled something about being too nervous to eat.

He quirked an eyebrow at her and went back to his rare steak without comment, the low light of the restaurant making his several thousand dollar suit gleam softly.

It was the first thing that had tipped her off when he'd come to the door to pick her up. Actually, maybe the picking up was the first hint she'd had that this date wasn't the mere hook-up she'd planned it to be. Roan Northman had come to her door in an honest-to-god suit holding an honest-to-god bouquet of flowers. _Queen of the Night_ Tulips, which were her favorites because they were so dark they were almost black.

“Like your soul,” Finn used to tease back before he had died.

Seeing them again was always a punch to the gut, and Raven fumbled a thanks as she took them from Roan and put them in a vase in the house. She did not invite him in, but slipped on her heels and followed him down the walk to his flashy Tesla Model X (expensive _and_ earth-friendly, it was unbearable) _._ The thing retailed at 80 grand and was as eerily silent as a wild cat getting ready to leap at its prey.

That was when she did the math: expensive suit, expensive car, expensive flowers, expensive restaurant. This was supposed to be a hookup, not an excuse for Mr. Moneybags to show off. With every minute that passed, Raven found herself getting more and more irritated.

This is what came of being horny. And that was where the whole thing had really started, wasn't it?

“I need to get laid,” she had complained into her beer a few weeks previously. “Seriously, if I don't get laid soon, I'm going to find some random guy off the street and have my way with him right there. Probably get arrested for public indecency.”

Clarke snorted, but she could afford to laugh since she was currently wrapped up in the arms of her amazingly hot boyfriend Bellamy Blake. He was nuzzling at her neck and whispering something—probably begging Clarke to make some excuse so they could go off and fuck. They couldn't keep their hands off each other and it was disgusting.

“I can help you with that,” said Murphy, from across the table. Of their group at the table, she and Murphy were the only single ones. Monty and Miller weren't as into PDA as Clarke and Bellamy were, but they were just as committed to each other.

“Ewww, no,” she said, giving him the once over. Even decently clothed and with recently washed hair he still looked like a reprobate.

He had started laughing so hard that Raven thought he was going to fall out of his chair.

“Not me Ray-Ray,” Murphy assured her. God, she hated that stupid nickname.

“Don't call me that,” she told him and finished off her beer. Then she grabbed his and finished it off as well.

“Hey!” he objected. Then he started laughing again. “I was thinking about introducing you to my agent. Dude gets more pussy than anyone I know.”

Several people at the table groaned, but Raven found she was suddenly interested.

“Why is that?” she wondered.

“Because he's hot and good in bed?” Murphy shot back.

Raven laughed this time.

“No, why would you introduce me? You don't even like me.”

“Let's just say at the very least, I owe you a beer and a good fuck. Since I have no intention of doing said fucking myself, I'll introduce you to someone who will.”

So he pitied her. Well, who cared? She'd do it anyway, because she _was_ horny and she _did_ want to get laid.

Raven should have told Murphy she wanted a damn booty call, so she wouldn't have to suffer all the small talk (oh good lord, the small talk) and the patient examination from those piercing blue eyes and the arrogance. Raven supposed a guy like him would be arrogant, but the fact that he was ostentatious on top of it was such a turn-off.

Like, why this restaurant? Why that car? Why that suit? Did she have to be sufficiently impressed by him to get naked with him?

And he was talking again. Great.

“Am I boring you?” he asked, eyes lit with irritation for the first time.

“Honestly, yes. I don't really give a shit about your clients or their lives. Tell me something that will actually interest me.”

Roan sighed and leaned forward, looking at her with his hawk eyes.

“How about this for interesting: Murphy told me that you'd put out if I took you out for a fancy dinner,” he said and gave her a malicious grin.

Raven felt her blood boil.

“What the hell?!” she yelled, garnering the interest of the entire room.

The smile stayed on Roan's face and he crossed his arms.

“I am going to kill him,” Raven hissed through clenched teeth.

“I wasn't planning on bringing you to this place. It's pretentious and overpriced. But Murphy said you'd be hot. When I showed up and you _were_ hot... I thought it was worth the investment to follow his instructions.”

So basically, this asshole was just hoping to get lucky. In her anger, Raven conveniently forgot that she was _also_ hoping to get lucky.

“You know what that idiot told me?”

“That I'm great in bed?”

Her jaw dropped then. Like, who was this guy?

“I don't get it. You're a smart, successful man. Good looking,” Raven said. “Why waste an entire evening when you could probably just make a phone call and some young hottie will show up at your door?”

Roan starting laughing, a low raspy chuckle that sent a shiver skittering over her skin.

“For the five years he's been my client, I've gotten a variety of texts from Murphy. Most of them are a couple words, at the longest a full sentence. Here are a few examples.”

Roan pulled out his phone, unlocked the screen and scrolled back in his text history to read her a few Murphy type gems.

 

_Best agent evar!!!1!_

_Who decided this idiot was a director?_

_Get your pimply ass over here!_

_Who dis?_

_this ain't entourage and your not ari gold_

_you best get me an audition, fool_

_Loki is the shit. For realz_

 

Raven couldn't help herself, she cracked up.

“Sounds like Murphy,” she said, rolling her eyes.

Nodding, Roan scrolled back down to his most recent text.

“When he sent me this one, I was intrigued. It's a whole paragraph,” he said, handing her the phone.

She looked down at the words.

_Hey that chick who was in that car accident with me last year could use a night out. She's hot, believe me I'd hit that if she gave me the time of day. If you take her someplace fancy, she'll probably put out. Let me know if you want her number._

She sat up so abruptly that there was a sharp pain in her left hip, making her wince. It was nothing, though, when her entire body felt like it was on fire.

Full lips tilting downward, she shoved the phone back toward his face, letting go abruptly. He caught it before it hit the table.

“Take me home, right now,” she said. The whole night had been a disaster anyhow.

Roan called over a waiter and asked for the check, two boxes, and a generous portion of the chocolate cheesecake on the menu to go.

After the waiter took their plates away to box up, he looked her over.

“He feels guilty,” Roan explained.

“I don't give a fuck,” she answered, crossing her arms. She looked away from him and didn't look back until the waiter handed him the check.

Watching him lean over the paper in front of him, long, light brown hair falling over his shoulders, she admitted to herself a longing to grab his hair in both hands and tug his face down to hers. If she got her hands on Murphy anytime soon, she would kill him, bum leg or not.

Roan pulled her chair out, and offered his arm, which she ignored and levered herself to her feet. Her leg was doing much better these days. She didn't need help everywhere, for god's sake.

When they were in the car and on the way back to her house, she pulled out her phone while he turned on the classical music that he'd been listening to before.

Raven shook her head at him. Who listened to classical music except for psychopaths and serial killers?

She sent a text to Murphy.

 _I am going to fucking kill you_ , she sent. _What the fuck?!?_

 _Who dis?_ was the only reply she received.

Releasing a frustrated sigh, she dropped the phone into her lap and counted the minutes until they were in front of her house and she could burst from the car and hobble up to her door, unlock it, and hide herself away inside. Which is what she did the second the car stopped.

She threw a terse, “Thanks for dinner,” over her shoulder as she fled.

When she had closed the door behind her, she leaned against it and tried to catch her breath.

Then she reached inside her purse for her phone to call Clarke. Except her phone wasn't in her purse.

“Shit. Shit, shit, shit,” she said, realizing that she'd left it in Roan's car.

She yanked the door open to see him standing there, irritated look on his face, reluctantly holding out the phone. Raven reached out to grab the phone, but Roan held onto it tight, their hands brushing. Her eyes flew up to meet his and his steady blue-eyed gaze startled her. She opened her mouth to demand he release it and the words refused to leave. Their gazes locked for a long moment.

 _Sex is still sex,_ she told herself. _Don't let this opportunity pass you by._

She hovered between moving to take the phone again and slamming the door in his face, when a breeze lifted his soft brown hair around his shoulders and she felt the kick of lust in the pit of her belly.

“Fuck it,” she said yanked him forward by his shirt, releasing her grip on the phone to do so. Pulling him down, Raven met her lips with his own, and he had no hesitation in stepping into the kiss.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Let the sexytimes commence.

She hated that he was so good looking. She also hated that he probably pitied her.

 _He doesn't pity you enough to stop doing that thing with his tongue, though,_ she thought and moaned into his mouth. His hands reached around to pull her in closer.

Roan plunged her mouth with his tongue, like some sort of conqueror. She resented this, but instead of complaining, she fought back—putting her hands under his jacket and bracing them against his back to pull until their chests were crushed together. There they stood for about a minute, heads tilted, mouths swapping tongues, lips pressing and releasing, getting used to the taste of each other's mouths. When the spark they'd set finally started its merry burn, they pulled back again, staring at each other.

Roan smirked and started pushing her through the door and Raven let him, telling herself that she would kick him out of her house as soon as the sex was over. He set her phone on the table, shut the door behind him, and started to stalk her like a jungle cat.

She watched him do it, trying to put out the fire, but her body was like a mindless machine. A sex one.

 _God, that sounds so cliché_ , she thought and kicked off her shoes. He watched them land and his eyes met hers again. He shrugged off his jacket and started to unbutton his shirt, but she didn't let him finish. Raven became the cat this time and pounced on him.

She couldn't believe the anger she felt toward him. It was unreasonable, but how could she help being irritated with him for making her so turned on? The asshat had no clue what a catch she was, and Murphy certainly hadn't made her look good.

 _So why do I want him naked and inside me?_ Raven wondered. She had no answer for that, except maybe pure, biological, animal instinct.

They were kissing again, but more roughly, each demanding submission of the other. She wasn't giving ground. No way.

She bit his lip, not gently. Roan yelped and pulled back, glaring at her. Raven smiled and leaned in to kiss him again, unbuttoning the rest of his shirt buttons. Her hands encouraged him to duck out of his shirt and when his chest was naked she ran her hands over it, then up and over his back.

He tugged at her coral dress strap, silently asking her for reciprocity, but she ignored him and leaned forward to suck on his neck, hard.

“Watch it! I have to clients to meet with on Monday,” Roan said, pulling back again.

Raven rolled her eyes. “Stop being such a baby. I did it low enough that your shirt will cover it. Now shut up and let me have my way with you.”

He started to object, but groaned when she fondled him through his pants, throwing his head back. It wasn't like he was going to argue with that.

She bit his shoulder, just on the line of painful, but this time he ignored her. He was onto her game.

Roan found the zipper at her back and yanked it down, along with her strapless bra. He grabbed her breasts, squeezing them firmly, then leaned forward to bite one with the same level of firmness that she'd bitten him.

“Ow!” she shrieked, then sighed when he licked the spot with his tongue to soothe it.

“See? I can do it too, so behave yourself,” he told her, then softened his approach, suckling on the tip of one light brown peak.

Raven wasn't about to pull her punches, though, because the truth was, his roughness excited her. She was dying to make him lose his temper. She was so tired of his implacable, unshakeable calmness. The thought of someone like Roan getting pissed off was a huge turn on.

They kissed again and she bit his tongue. In return, he pinched her nipples until she whimpered, though more in pleasure than pain. When he licked them in apology, and suckled them again, she moaned and then pulled his hair.

He grunted and shoved her up against the wall. His fingers were rough as he ripped off the dress that that been bunched at her waist. Roan cupped her bottom with a caressing hand, and moved his fingers over the crotch of her wet panties, before yanking them down.

Raven wrapped her good leg around him and arched her back as he released himself from his pants. He bit her neck, holding it with his teeth while he pulled his wallet out of his back pocket and yanked out the condom held in it.

When he thrust into her, she moaned and raked his back with her nails. He grunted and plunged her fiercely, making her scream with satisfaction. He caressed the other hip and gently lifted under her left buttock so that she could get a better angle, then he bit her neck again, sucking hard at the soft flesh.

It was such a strange mix of pleasure and pain, gentleness and roughness, that it was driving her wild. Raven wanted more and for once since her accident a year ago, she didn't ask herself what her body would feel like afterward. She only knew what she wanted it to feel like now.

“Fuck me harder,” she said, when his pace slowed a little bit to allow her to catch her breath.

“Raven,” he started, but she grabbed handfuls of his hair again and tightened her arms around him.

He went back to his punishing pace until she was caught in the breathless clutches of her orgasm, following her by mere seconds and going until she had turned into a metaphorical puddle of goo. Then he slowly lowered her back to the ground, taking extra care with her leg again, holding onto her until she pushed at him to let her go.

She picked up her clothes and got her phone and started limping down the hall toward her bedroom. Turning, Raven looked at him for one long moment before shaking her head. “I guess Murphy was right after all,” she said and went into her room to get ready for bed.

She heard him picking up his clothes and then heard the door open and close, and let out a sigh of relief. It turned into a strangled exclamation of surprise when he walked into her bathroom as she was brushing her teeth. Toothpaste went all over the place and Raven quickly turned on the water to wash it off as he stripped off his clothes and started the shower.

“What are you doing?” she asked, feeling like a complete dumbass for asking the world's most obvious question.

“Taking a shower?” he said, eyebrows raised. “Care to join?”

She had no interest in squeezing into her tiny shower with him, even if the man had abs for days. _Oh my god, why did I not appreciate those fully before?_

It had been her intention to have a glass of wine and a nice, relaxing bath before she tried to sleep, so she went to the kitchen and poured herself a glass and picked out a big fluffy towel while she waited for him to vacate her bathroom.

He got out, dried off and put on what looked like gym clothes from a bag she hadn't noticed before. Then she took his bag and tossed it out of the bathroom and shoved him out after it.

“I need peace and quiet and to be alone again,” she told Roan when he started to object. “Have a good night.”

She locked the door—in case he tried to change her mind—and ran her bath, popping in her blue tooth ear buds. She bathed and sipped and relived the whole dirty dirty sexual interlude and touched herself till she came again. Raven had a feeling she'd be using that memory for a long time.

Smiling to herself, she dried off, and pulled on the over-sized t-shirt she'd been wearing before. Then she unlocked the door and stepped into her room.

And was greeted by the sleeping form of her one-time lover, sprawled out in her bed.

“Are you fucking kidding me?!”

He didn't stir when she almost shouted the words and she was left with a dilemma. Should she wake him and insist that he leave or wait till the morning, when he would most likely get out of her house as quickly as possible? He had mentioned some sort of work weekend retreat that he was leaving for right after their date. Maybe it was a long drive and he didn't feel up to it after their sexcapade. He _was_ a man, after all.

In the end, she chose the path of least resistance and went to bed. Luckily, he hadn't taken her side, so she didn't have to bitch at him.

She collapsed in bed and let sleep take over her world.

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What do you do when your one night stand won't leave?

She woke to his open mouth on the back of her neck, his lips gently suctioning along her skin. Roan's hands were under her shirt, one on her bare breast, the other teasing her hip bone at the panty line. Raven felt confusion for a mere moment before raging lust took over. Turning onto her back, she reached her lips for a kiss, demanding more.

He refused to be rough this time, though, and when she pressed him urgently against her, he took her hands and pressed them above her head, into the soft pillow. Then he took his time in the dim light, kissing her softly, barely touching her lips with his tongue.

Ignoring her soft words of insistence, he held her hands with one of his own, while the other tugged her shirt up and above her breasts.

“Mmmm...” he said, after licking one brown tip. “I didn't get to properly appreciate these before.”

He licked again, then traced a line around the aureole with his tongue. When she moaned and arched her back, he took the whole thing in his mouth, suckling as she begged and pleaded for more.

When he continued to ignore her, spending several minutes of his attention on each breast, her need had reached an almost unbearable level. Roan noticed her squirming lower half and rose up on his knees, looking down at her admiringly.

“God, what a beautiful sight in the moonlight,” he said, tracing the line of her body. He dipped a finger along the top of her boy shorts, tugging down slightly. He smiled when she gasped and lifted her hips. He continued to move his fingers over her stomach and hips, teasing her once to slide a finger over the button of her clit. Still, he didn't give her the satisfaction of going beneath her underwear.

There was more touching on his part and more moaning on hers, until he finally, finally, released her hands to pull off the only barrier between them.

She reached to grab him against her, but he shook his head.

“No more condoms,” he said. “But don't worry. I'll help you get off.”

And saying so, he ducked his head down to her now bared skin and licked over her pubic bone and down into the sweet spot, making her see stars.

“Holy shit,” she said opening her legs a little wider and ignoring the twinge in her left hip. Her fingers twined in his soft hair and tugged. She tried not to be a brat about it, but good lord, she needed it.

While his tongue worked its magic in her clitoral region, one of his hands slid a finger inside her, setting a steady pace making it easy for her to concentrate on reaching that peak. And when she did, her leg wrapped around his back and she gave a cut-off scream.

He pulled back when she collapsed limply back against the bed, legs sprawled out in exhaustion.

“That's three for your one,” she said. “I feel like I should pay you back somehow.”

“Three?”

“I got myself off in the bath when I thought about the first time,” she said, laughing at his surprise. “You want to come on my tits?”

He shook his head and laid next to her, wrapping his arms around her. When he pulled her back into his chest, she stiffened then relaxed into his warm body.

“I'll wait for the real thing again, thanks,” he said into her ear, causing little ripples of goose bumps to form along the skin of her neck and arms.

They lay quietly for a long time, and then Raven felt herself drift off to sleep again.

She woke up starving, and alone.

Feeling bereft and cursing herself for it, she hobbled out to the main room. He was definitely gone, so Raven guessed that her one night stand was for sure over. Her stomach rumbled, but the soreness and stiffness of her leg told her that she needed to do her physical therapy exercises first, so she went into her spare room / office to do the pilates and yoga stretches that her physical therapist had put into a specialized routine just for her. Then she did some very mild weight training, again customized to help her strengthen that weak leg.

It was an hour every single morning, but the work had paid off. When she'd woken up in the hospital after the car accident that had left Murphy unscathed—herself the recipient of a bum leg and a year's worth of surgeries (three) and physical therapy—it had been hard to accept her new life. She'd always been so independent before, but now she carpooled to her teaching job and considered herself lucky when she could walk a half-mile without feeling like her leg was going to give out.

Raven was making progress, but it was slow and there were times when she wished that she'd been driving that night when Murphy lost control on some loose gravel. It wasn't really his fault the car had flipped, but still her mind raged with what-ifs.

When her workout was done, she took a shower to wash the sweat off her body and scrounged in the kitchen for food. She hadn't expected much, since she had no groceries, but Raven found the boxes from last night's meal and devoured all of her mostly uneaten food. She also poured herself a cup of coffee from the pot she'd started before her workout.

“God that is good,” she sighed, enjoying the aroma of the black (Yes, black. Cream was for pussies.) coffee.

Her door opened and Raven spilled half the cup on her shirt.

“Ow, shit!” she said, setting the mug down with a thunk on the counter. She grabbed at her now drenched top and moved it quickly to cool off the hot liquid, glaring across the room at Roan.

“Knock much?” she said. Then she looked at him, really looked, and her mouth went dry.

He was wearing a pair of gym shorts and a tight t-shirt that made his arms and bulky back muscles stand out. It was coated with sweat and clung to him like a second skin. His long hair was pulled back in one of those man buns that she usually scoffed at but in this case made her lick her lips and want to bite the column of his neck exposed by the up-drawn hair.

“I come bearing gifts,” he said, holding up a small paper bag.

Curiosity got the best of her and she walked forward to take it from his outstretched hand.

“It's a box of condoms,” she said.

“It'll come in handy, believe me,” he said winking one of his ridiculously light eyes.

She rolled her eyes and turned away from him to grab a kitchen towel to wipe up the coffee on the ground. Wincing as she tried to kneel down, Raven reached for the mess, but found herself hauled back by an arm around her wast.

“I'll do it. It's my fault you spilled the coffee anyway,” Roan told her, swiping it up before throwing the damp towel in the sink.

He turned back toward her and stepped up close.

“We should get that ruined shirt off of you,” he murmured, tugging on it so that Raven was prompted to lift her arms and let it slide off.

They both looked down at her warm brown skin, watching his finger trace a line over her belly.

“Looks like the bra is ruined, too,” he said.

It wasn't long before she was naked and riding him on a dining room chair. He had suggested it as an option for her that might not hurt her hip as much as being on top in bed.

Raven enjoyed the experience of being able to indulge in one of her favorite sex positions without feeling like her hip was going to snap off. After a while she tired (there was no physical therapy exercise for this type of movement) and he carried her—fucking carried her like she was the heroine in a fucking romance movie—back to bed where he did the finishing off for them both.

They ate the chocolate cheesecake in bed afterward talking and laughing, before Roan disappeared into the shower and Raven tried to understand what the fuck was going on with her life.

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He Still. Won't. Leave. (but does she really care?)

She pulled on some clothes and went outside to fiddle around in her workshop. Although her job as a tenure track professor in the engineering department didn't require hands-on examples when she was in classroom, she often found herself bringing them in for the students to mess with.

She built things because it cleared her mind, and because if she wasn't fucking around with something, she was treading the dangerous path toward self-pity. There was nothing Raven hated more than feeling sorry for herself, but she had to remind herself of that fact on a daily basis.

Today, though, work couldn't keep the swirling thoughts at bay.

After about an hour of fussing around with the pneumatic machine she'd been working on, she gave up and went back in the house. All was quiet and she breathed a sigh of relief to find peace in her life once again, when she spotted six feet of naked man sprawled out on her bed, snoring softly.

 _That ass just won't quit_ , she thought to herself, distracted for a moment from her irritation of having her space still invaded by this usurper.

She stomped out to the living room and grabbed her phone. Morning had moved to afternoon and she couldn't help wondering when he was going to be motivated to leave.

Raven sent a text to Clarke.

_Help, there is a naked man in my house and he won't leave._

The reply was lightning quick.

_WHAT?!?!?!?! IS THIS A POLICE CALLING SITUATION?? SHOULD I SEND BELLAMY OVER TO KICK HIS ASS??_

Raven snorted and waited a minute for Clarke to catch on.

_Is this the guy from your date last night???? Murphy's agent?_

_Yup._

_That's weird. Murphy was hanging out with us last night and he said that you said you were going to kill him._

_Well, do you know what he said to Roan? Murphy told Roan I would put out._

_So in revenge you... decided to have sex with Roan?_

Raven giggled.

_I knew you'd understand. Girl, you know how hard up I've been. I've worn through a slew of vibrators._

_Haha I know. Hope he was worth it._

_All three times!_

_Damn. And why is it you want to kick him out? Sounds like you should keep him around and use him for your own nefarious pleasure type purposes._

Raven considered her words for a moment or two.

_Well, you may have a point there, but this was supposed to be a one time thing. Like, he even told me he had some work conference to be at this weekend._

_Maybe he likes you? Maybe the sex is good for him, too?_

_I can barely move. How good can the sex be for him?_

_So maybe he likes you._

Someone rang the doorbell and Raven went to answer it, staring at the delivery box in the arms of the man in front of her.

“I didn't order any groceries. Can I see the invoice on that?” she asked, holding out her hand for the slip of paper in his left hand.

“It's mine,” said a voice behind her. Roan slid in next to her to grab the large box of food and put it on the kitchen counter. Then he came back to tip the delivery guy and close the door.

“You had food delivered?” she asked, trying to keep the hysterical edge out of her voice. He wouldn't leave, and now he was having food delivered to her house?

“You didn't have anything in your fridge to eat and I finished off all my leftovers from last night for my breakfast this morning,” he said.

“Don't you have somewhere else to be?” she asked, not bothering to filter the confusion from her voice.

He smiled at her as he unloaded what looked like several days' worth of groceries onto her counter.

“You mean that work retreat thing of my mom's? It's not mandatory. If you think I'd rather be talking about my feelings with coworkers over getting naked time with the hottest woman I've met in months, you'd be dead wrong.”

Her face heated at the “hottest woman” comment, but she was not done with this conversation. Raven sat down on one of the stools pushed up to the counter across from him.

“You seem like an upfront guy,” she started.

“I try to be. Life's too short for bullshit,” Roan replied.

“Okay. Why are you still here? I never thought, when you were doing me up against that door over there, that you were planning on sticking around.”

He dug around in the the cupboard under the island until he found her cutting board, then he moved to the sink to wash up the peppers he'd bought.

“I don't know, Raven. I guess you're a restful person. You don't seem to like bullshit anymore than I do, and it makes you easy to be around. Not to mention that rockin' body,” he grinned.

She was still hung up on the word “restful”. Like how in god's name was she restful? It wasn't possible.

Her phone buzzed and she went to check on it.

It was Murphy of all people.

_So I guess Roan was supposed to be at some work thing and didn't show up and his boss is texting everyone to find out if they've seen him. He still with you?_

She was still pissed at him over the text he'd sent Roan so she decided on evasive.

 _Who dis?_ She texted back.

She set the phone down next to her, sniffing appreciatively at the smell of the peppers cooking.

“Heads up, your mom is looking for you,” she said, watching with appreciation as his muscles bunched up under his thin cotton shirt while he worked.

Raven hated cooking, so she could always appreciate someone who did. Even better when they were cooking for her.

“Yeah, she's texted and called me about a million times. The woman is a control freak,” he said, turning back to the counter so he could work on the fish.

“It must be weird, working for your mom,” Raven commented. Her parents were the _worst—_ she'd gotten away from them the minute she was able—so she couldn't imagine what it was like for him.

“And not in a good way,” he said, with a wry twist of his mouth. “I enjoy my work, but I do not enjoy working for her, most days.”

“So essentially you're avoiding mommy time by hiding out here?” Raven asked. She was pushing again, wondering if she could break through that implacable exterior.

He slid the fish in the oven, turned the broiler on and washed his hands. Walking over, he stood next to her, brushing his nose against her cheek.

“There are worse ways to spend a weekend,” he said, before he kissed her cheek and got back to cooking.

The food was amazing and they took their wine to the back porch afterward, where her small patio stood ready to accommodate them.

“Will you keep working for her, given how you feel about it?” she asked him. She put her feet in his lap, meaning to be playful, but the way he stroked a finger up and down her leg made that lust fire up again.

He took a deep breath and studied the trees above them in the pale evening light. She took the lighter off the table and lit the citronella candle in the center of it. They sat in silence for a long time, his finger painting distracting circles over her skin.

“I've been thinking about leaving, maybe starting a boutique agency with my favorite clients,” he confided, finally.

“Like Murphy?”

The ghost of a smile played over his face.

“Yeah, I don't think I'd be able to get rid of him,” Roan told her.

Raven swallowed the last gulp of wine and with some effort, got to her feet. She sat in his lap, looping an arm around his neck.

“You realize you're having an existential crisis and you're using me to avoid it,” Raven told him. “Don't get me wrong, I'm happy to participate.” She licked his earlobe and smiled when he exhaled quickly.

“I'm not using you to avoid anything. I'm not using you, Raven,” he said, suddenly serious. Feeling sudden panic, Raven lapsed into her regular coping mechanism.

“Shut up and kiss me,” she said, leaning forward. The make-out session that followed had the intended reaction of getting him to stop talking. It wasn't till later, when he was asleep, an arm thrown over her while she stared up at the ceiling, that she felt like she was in danger.

She was a sucker for no bullshit guys. Since Finn had broken her heart she had dated a string of no bullshit guys and each relationship had crashed and burned epically. Wick had been the last of them.

Why was Roan still here, and more importantly, why couldn't she make herself care? She should hate the lingering, but she craved it with an intensity that scared the shit out of her. There was something about him... he felt safe in a way that she hadn't felt with a guy since Finn.

What did she want? She wanted a partner. She wanted someone who could handle her independence and general badassery without trying to taken anything from her. She wanted to let herself be vulnerable again, but she had no fucking clue how to do that.

Roan may not be _the_ guy, but he'd definitely gotten her thinking about _the_ guy. When was she going to be ready for the type of relationship her friends had? Would she always be laying in bed next to a guy and asking herself that question?

The screen of her phone lit up. It was Clarke again.

_Loverboy still there?_

_Just got done with round 4._

_Damn, girl. I'm gonna tell B to step up his game._

_Ew, god no. You guys are disgusting enough as it is._

_Says the girl who has had sex 4 times in the last 24 hours._

_Five, actually. There was some self love in there._

_That's it. I need to meet this man. Bring him to our house tomorrow. We'll barbecue and the ladies and I can properly vet him._

_Ugh._

_Don't take that tone with me, young lady. This one has potential._

_Let's not make a thing of this, kay?_

_Someone needs to, because you won't. I know you. Bring him tomorrow, 6 PM, and your alcoholic beverage of choice._

_KK._

 

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Murphy = 2. Cupid = 0.

She didn't sleep so well that night, thinking about how she was supposed to invite Roan without making it a thing. In the end, she rose obscenely early and did her PT, and some pilates for kicks.

At one point she looked over and there was Roan, standing against the doorjamb, arms crossed, watching her.

“We should go for a walk,” he said.

“I can't go very far,” she told him, frowning.

“So we'll go up the street and back. I saw a coffee shop yesterday. Let's get some food.”

Raven started to head for the bedroom to change, but he took her arm.

“Please do _not_ change out of whatever you call those shorts you're wearing,” he said.

The laugh came bubbling up from inside her before she could stop it.

“You want me to go out in public like this?”

“God, yes,” he told her and took her by the hand.

It was a slow walk, but she made it. When they got to the cafe, he pulled out a chair for her and she took it with a suspicious look.

“Politeness, not pity. I'd do it for anyone,” he said, hands raised.

“Even Murphy?”

“Hell no. He'd call me a pussy and ask what my problem is. I don't bother with politeness around Murphy.”

They ordered breakfast and ate leisurely, talking about whatever seemed to interest either of them. It was something she'd noticed about him. Maybe it was a trick of his trade, that he didn't seem to feel awkward around people.

On their walk home, she couldn't help asking again.

“How much longer do you think you'll be at my house?”

“Are you trying to get rid of me, Raven?”

“No, but I'm going to Clarke and Bellamy's house for a barbecue tonight, so if you're going to be around, you could come with. Murphy will probably be there, too, if that means anything.”

There, that sounded casual. Until he looked at her for a long time and she felt a crackle of unease.

“Or not. I mean, I'm surprised you've been here this long. We hardly know each other and it's a very tight space.”

He took her hand and walked with her down the quiet street. Sundays tended to be dead in the early morning.

“I don't do bullshit,” he said.

“You mentioned that.”

“I will leave if you want me to leave.”

Raven had no idea what to reply to this. This was too much openness and honesty. It was too much of everything she hated confronting.

Roan stopped and since her hand was holding his she stopped. He faced her, looking down at her with a look that seemed to mean he was trying to figure her out.

“I know it's weird. I can't explain why I don't want to leave you.”

She had that panicky feeling again. Her heart was going to burst from her chest. What did it mean?

“Don't look like that, for god's sakes,” Roan said, leaning in to kiss her.

That was better. Then she could pretend it was all about sex. Sex was easier to define than the fluttery feeling in her chest that she got when he looked at her that way.

He pulled back. “I'm one of those people that either goes all in or I don't. And when I decide, I move. I don't know what it is about you, Raven...”

Roan's voice trailed off and she decided to keep walking anyway. If he wanted to stand around waxing poetic, she'd let him do that. It didn't mean she had to.

He kept hold of her hand and walked with her back to the house.

Shutting the door behind them, he reached forward and put both his arms around her waist. That was it. He held her and put his chin on her head. Raven felt stiff as a board and as restless as a hummingbird.

They stood like that until he sighed and went down the hall and into her bedroom. She followed, secretly hoping that they were about to indulge in yet another interlude involving lots of action and not a lot of talking.

But he was packing.

“Are you leaving?” she asked.

He shrugged and pushed one of his dirty shirts from the floor into his bag.

“I've made you uncomfortable, so I'm going to do the gentlemanly thing and get the hell out.”

“Since when do you care about being a gentleman?”

“I'm polite to a fault.”

“Not even one last fuck for the road, huh?”

He dropped the bag to the floor and moved toward her so fast she almost fell over. They stood so close, so close, but not close enough.

“What do you want, Raven? I'm getting all these mixed signals and I don't want to be the dick that overstays his welcome.”

She crossed her arms.

“Well, I think you passed that mark after the first time we fucked,” she shot back.

“Okay then, message received.” Roan continued packing.

Wait, that wasn't what she wanted. She wanted him to... she wanted to feel him against her again, she wanted him to cook for her and stroke her legs out on the patio. She wanted to feel normal again. She wanted him to stop making her breath catch in her throat until she thought she was going to hyperventilate. She wanted him to go. And good riddance.

She wanted him to stay. She wanted him to stay longer, but she couldn't make her mouth say the words. He could be _the_ guy, he could. If only she'd give him a chance.

But she was too afraid, she had been burned so many fucking times before. She couldn't risk it. It was better this way.

Raven walked him to the door and he gave her one, last, lingering kiss.

“Have a good life, and thanks for the weekend,” he said, before he walked down the stairs and out of her life.

~~~~~

Clarke glanced behind her when she opened the door, clearly looking for the phantom man that was supposed to be arriving with her friend.

“He's not coming. I fucked everything up,” Raven told her without preamble. She blinked back the tears that threatened to come, willing herself to calm down, biting her tongue till she was afraid it would bleed.

The walk that morning had taken its toll as well, and she had to use her cane to walk now. She felt bereft and unattractive and out of sorts.

Clarke bit her lip, and glanced down at the 8 pack of beer in Raven's hand, but she knew better than to offer to carry it for her. Instead Clarke gave her a kiss on the cheek and opened the door wide to let her in.

“Where's the man?” Harper yelled, then quieted abruptly at Clarke's shake of the head.

“He was just a hook-up anyway,” Murphy said, rising to take the beer.

As soon as her hand was free, Raven punched him in the throat, making him drop the pack with a thud that had Miller and Jasper protesting.

“Never put the beer in danger, Reyes!” Miller chided.

Raven ignored them, instead opting to kick Murphy in the balls while he was down.

“Don't you ever set me up with anyone again,” she hissed at Murphy before she stomped outside to sit by the pool, leaving him in a whimpering heap behind her.

Clarke was out with a beer for her in moments. She sat on the deck chair next to her friend and stared across the pool at the Hollywood skyline.

“Isn't it funny to think we became friends because of a guy we both dated?” Clarke said, finally, looking over at her with a conspiratorial grin.

“Sent you out to deal with the cranky cripple, huh?” Raven said.

“After the way you paralyzed Murphy, can you blame them? Don't get me wrong, that was hilarious. In fact, Bell laughed so hard he felt out of his chair,” Clarke replied.

Raven snorted and took a swig of beer.

“Murphy is such a dick. Just thinking about him makes me want to punch him all over again.”

“When he could finally breathe again, he started whining about people always hitting him. I think he tries hard to be a decent guy, but he fails spectacularly at it over and over,” Clarke said. “But Raven, are you sure that anger isn't really directed towards yourself? You seem really upset right now, and we both know Murphy is the least of your problems.”

Raven put her face in her hands for a minute, then flung herself back against the back of the lounger.

“He just wasn't what I expected. It was supposed to be a hook-up. That's what I wanted. But he stuck around, being nice and cooking for me and being hot, and I got all conflicted.”

“So you wanted him to stay?”

“No. No, he needed to leave. I definitely needed space or breathing room or something. But I wish I would have told him I'd like to date. I was too afraid. That man is so fucking intense, Clarke. Being around him is like touching a live wire.”

“In other words, he scared the shit out of you,” Clarke guessed. “Because you saw a chance there to have a grown-up relationship again.”

“Which I haven't done since Finn—the guy who ripped out my heart and stomped it into a million pieces. Oh well, I'll never know what might have happened now. Because I couldn't tell him what I wanted and he is a no bullshit guy.”

“Your favorite brand of man,” said Clarke with a nod. “Well, I'm going to tell Bellamy it's safe for him to have Miller come out and cook the meat.”

Everyone meandered outside after that. Harper, Monty, Jasper, and Octavia played volley ball in the pool. Bellamy, Miller, and Murphy argued over how long to cook the chicken. Clarke flitted inside and out, bringing more food for the hungry crowd. More friends arrived, and Raven moved from place to place, relaxing with her friends again. It was good to be where she was known and loved.

After Raven had eaten, Clarke opened up the hot tub so she could soak her leg and Raven went to the bathroom to change. She exited the bathroom and froze, staring at Roan, who was leaning against the wall across from the bathroom door. It was clear he'd been waiting for her.

She felt like all she ever did was frown around him. He was dressed all wrong for a barbecue, nice pants, button down shirt open at the collar, hair slicked back into a half pony. Roan was business casual.

“Why are you here?” she asked.

He unlocked his phone and held it out to her. The screen showed his recent text messages from Murphy.

_How was the date?_

That was from Friday night.

_Your bitch boss won't stop calling me. Tell her she works for me, not the other way around._

Then another: _That lady is your mother? God I pity you._

_Fuck, man. Are you still with Raven?_

Then there was nothing till 6:30 that evening.

_This is all your fucking fault. What the fuck did you do to Raven? She is broken, man. You were supposed to fix her, not make her worse. Get your ass to this address now and make it right. Btw- remind me I owe you a punch in the throat._

Raven handed the phone back.

“So you came because Murphy told you to come?”

He sighed, leaning his head back.

“Then I got here, confused as hell because things seemed pretty peaceful between us when I left your house. And Murphy told me I needed to talk to you so you'd 'stop being a bitch to everyone when you really just wanted to be a bitch to the guy you slept with this weekend'.”

“Murphy is such a dick,” she said, and she was going to buy the ass a nice, expensive present as a thank you later. She surged forward and kissed him, wrapping her arms around his solid middle, pressing as close as she could to his warmth. He hesitated, then kissed her back with the same passion, holding her face in his hands.

When they pulled apart, some time later, both were breathing heavily, but they were also smiling at each other.

“Can we date?” Raven asked. “I was too much of a coward to ask before.”

“Yeah, we can date,” he replied, and kissed her again, one soft, sweet press on the mouth.

His phone buzzed. It was from Murphy.

 _Great, now do us all a favor and go somewhere else_.

They laughed and for once did exactly what he suggested.

 


End file.
